Wednesday, April 2, 2008

"Word Verification" (Do they have an ointment for that?)

Word Verification. It's a bitch, I hate it.

It's like fighting to open a jar of pickles. You KNOW you can't open it with your bare hands! Yet you fight and twist and strain until you remember to get out the rubber thingy from the bottom of a drawer (that's dried to little crumbly pieces because you haven't used it in a millennium) to wrap around the lid. You use the biggest crumbled piece of the thingy to crack it open- only to get pickle juice all down your front.

It's like suddenly fearing the last step on the stairs because you're unsure of your balance and you don't want to fall, so you hesitate. And fall on your face anyway as soon as you step down.

It's like threading a very tiny needle with thread the diameter of a piece of hair. Try as you might, with one eye closed and tongue poking out with your face scrunched up so you look like Igor from Frankenstein's lab, it takes umpteen tries. You end up wanting to poke your own eye out with said needle and strangle yourself with the thread.

*SIGH*

Word Verification has me wanting to set up the handicap programs that came with my computer. I mean, really. I'm dead serious. I AM an intelligent adult. Yet nine times out of ten I can't get the damn thing CORRECT! All I want to DO is make a STINKIN' comment! YEESH! But NO! You have to go through stinkin' WORD VERIFI-FREAKIN-CATION! Sample of one of my recent tries to comment on a blog below:

"getbimebiotch"

Okie. Tapitty, tap, tap. Oops. I missed a letter? Hmph.

"sukr"

Okayyy. Tap, tap, tapity-tap...

WTF?! Not again!?

"faquretrdad1"

HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! Are those words? Those are words! WTF??? Those are ALMOST WORDS! And where the HELL did the numeral come from?!? Well fa-qu too! Freakin' frackin' sucky website, grrr, grumble, growl. So I end up hitting enter a few hundred times to get to (ohhh, ECSTASY!) A four letter word!

"assht" My teeth grind and my hands shake.

I start talking out loud to my computer now.

"You callin' ME an asshat?"

"Where are the freakin' four freakin' letter words!!!!!!"

STAB, STAB, STABBING at the keyboard now.

YESSSS!

A four letter word!

I get giddy!

Relief washes through me.

I can finally make my freakin' comment!!!!!!!

PLEASE TYPE YOUR VERIFICATION HERE:

"losr"

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

Karyn said...

THAT. Was very. Very. Funny.

Without w.v. though , you get loads of comments from spammers like "Hi I really liked your blog! Come visit my site at depraved dot get-a-life dot com!" I mean, ad nauseum.

W.V. is no fun... but it does make for good blog fodder.